You make beautiful things out of us

PRE BALDNESS:
it's sure been a while since i really wrote anything on here. remember the post that said "wow, life has been hitting me hard recently"? well, that is so unbelievably true. but you know what's more true? Jesus. He is the essence of truth. He is the essence of love. and His love hits like a hurricane. and that love is more powerful than any life situation that could ever hit me. "so why should i worry? why do i freak out? God knows what i need."
i was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata 6 months ago. its a weird disorder that causes one to randomly start losing their hair. in my case, it seemed as though their was more of an internal cause than just the Alopecia, so i've spent a lot more time than i'm used to at doctor's appointments, and trying to rest and get better, and rubbing weird substances on my head than i ever have. and for the majority of these past 6 months, it's been very easy to hide all the bald spots, but now it's extremely difficult, so i wear hats. but i am tired of hiding, because i hate hiding anything that could be out in the open. so i am shaving my head tomorrow. and this has been one of the most treacherous and difficult journeys of my life, but i KNOW, I KNOW, that God is sovereign and has an amazing purpose behind this. because that's who He is. i will NOT ask why. i will trust and i will "rock the dome" because that is what God has called me to. and not only has He called me to walk this with Him holding my hands, but for every tear i've cried, He has showered me with ten times the amount of love. i am THANKFUL for my Alopecia. i realized the truth of that statement last night, when i was reading through my thankful journal, all i could do was smile remembering all of the amazing acts of love people in my life have shown towards me. i could be so much more sick, i could be bed ridden, i could lose the loss of my limbs, my speech, anything, even my life, yet i am losing my hair. i don't need my hair! i will not be disabled by the loss of my hair, although i do admit that i wish it would grow back. i am thankful that i get to learn how to be wise, and i have the best teacher ever. and i am thankful that Jesus is MY God. i get to know Him. i get to walk this with Him. i get to see how weak i am everyday when i look in the mirror and realize i cannot do a single thing to fix the situation i'm in. and it is the BEST place to be. i wouldn't change this. and only Jesus can take it and make it into something beautiful. and He will. because that's just what He does. He already has made me better.


POST BALDNESS:
so i'm bald! its official! hehe. its been quite the emotional two days. its still weird to look in the mirror, i don't really like it. but i like looking at how i've changed inside. i am better than i was yesterday, and better than the day before that, and the one before that one. Jesus makes beautiful things out of us even when we are not the most beautiful thing to the world's eye. i am blessed to go to a wonderful school where people have not made fun of me or laughed, but just loved me and supported me. i love it when i get asked questions and people make comments, because then the elephant has been removed from the room! i love the fact that it takes two seconds to wash "my hair". i love the way the wind feels. i love feeling the cold, feeling alive. i love that i can't hide anymore. i love that when people see me, they are seeing ME. theres nothing more to it! Here i am world! bald! and starting to like it more and more. and loving Jesus more and more every second, because only he could make a situation like this, one of the best of my life. i am so thankful. i love living. and i can't wait to see where life goes, because i know that it will be an adventure. and thats just what Jesus does.