Sometimes it may be something as small as choosing to rely on God instead of my own strength. Just that, for that moment. I think if we are hardcore and authentic about loving jesus, relying on his strength, and even messing up for him, its worth it. And when I say messing up for him, I mean, we're going to make mistakes, so lets get back up and learn in Christs name. I am praying that whoever is reading this will understand what i'm saying, and that as kids of Jesus, we can follow hard after him. Please pray for me in this area! [PART FOUR] yes, it was too long for my phone to send, so I had to divide it up :)..

BUT, I feel like, at least for myself, I get SO caught up in my appearance to others. If I don't have the security of being the christian girl everyone expects me to be, then my self esteem drops to zero. There is a certain safety in being something that people make you. In the stereotype that I am put into/put myself into, I don't like to make mistakes. I mean, who does? But, doing things "incorrectly" is one of my worst fears at times. To put it all together, if I am not going full out for the Lord, what is the point? Sometimes that may mean waking up in the morning and going to school, but if I am relying on Jesus and waking up and goin to school for him, then awesome! [PART THREE]

It got me to thinking, what the heck are we doing in this life if we are not authentic through Christ? If we are doing this whole christian thing for any other reason than to follow hard after God then why? And that doesn't mean I think we should be perfect at this, cuz thats not even possible. We're freekin human beings! We just can't master this. [PART TWO]

i was just reading shawn mcDonalds blog. (if you don't know who he is, he is a christian singer songwriter who has been through life, hardcore. he has probably been up and down and around and through every alley and back road and dirt path that there is in life.) and i don't say that because i know his whole story, although i do know a small piece. I say that because you can tell by his songs and the way he writes. he is one of the most authentic people I "know". [PART ONE]

i am sitting on the bus. my i pod is broken. and it is full of loud annoying kids. this is why it sucks to be a 15 year old sophomore. but God finds me (well, all of us) in the middle of life. he finds us when we are in deep pain, or when we are sitting on the bus wishing we could get our drivers license. since i have nothing to do besides read my devo, I opened it up and started reading. Long story short, it said to remember that God has planned out my whole day long before i've even woken up. Nothing i go through hasn't already sifted through Gods fingers. What an awesome reminder.

someday i'm gonna marry a guy like him

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God wants everything we are. That sums up what i've been thinking today. He wants all of us right down to our smallest flaw. He wants our big flaws too. He wants our imperfections and the things we hate about ourselves. I really believe that with all my heart. Why would God come down onto this earth as a man and die if he didn't want our everything? I'm slowly learning and getting glimpses of the love story we as followers of Christ get to live everyday. We have the gift of entering into the most beautiful relationship ever created. EVER. I know for myself, I want to give God my all, right down to my weaknesses. He is the only one that can turn those to strengths anyway. Hes just...AMAZING. And that doesn't even describe Him adequately.

"as you live is close contact with Me, the Light of My Presence filters through you to bless others. Your weakness and woundedness are the openings through which the light of knowledge of My glory shines forth. My strength and power show themselves most effective in your weakness." -God

That is from my devotional this morning. It is such a beautiful reminder to all of us judgmental and imperfect people.

GOD IS AMAZING

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."
-Deuteronomy 33:27

Not only is God a God who will be your refuge, but he will be your EVERLASTING ARMS when you fall. This verse is one of my favorites, if not my very favorite. I found it a little while ago on a youth retreat with my youth group. I read it and it just hit me. SO hard. like, thats what He is! my refuge! He will never leave me or forsake me, there is not ONE freaking thing i can do that will make him want me or love me less. think about that! it is true for you too! it is true for all of us. it is one of the many beautiful characteristics of Jesus.

When i first read the part that says "...and underneath are the everlasting arms", i took it two ways.
one: God is our refuge, and we have the oppourtunity to be everlasting arms to others! i really like that idea. how awesome is it that we get to watch as Jesus' love flows out of us onto others, if we only let him work through us? WOW.
two: like i said that the begining of this post, God not only is our refuge, but when we fall down, loose sight, get mad, hurt, struggle, are in need, or anything human, God is there to pick us up so we can run to him once again.

i think both ways are what God had in mind for that verse.
Go out and LOVE with Gods love. let him pour his life and love and beauty over you, let him speak through you, that is when you can move mountains. But when you fall, watch as God lifts you. He will. He never leaves or forsakes us. Trust him to be your refuge.
that is what i got from that verse.

i have not lived long, but i've long enough to tell you that NO MATTER WHAT, and i mean NO MATTER WHAT, God is faithful. He will lift you when you fall, he will speak words through you, he will give you purpose. There is nothing more satisfying than watching God use you! IT IS AMAZING.

i pray for whoever is reading this, that they will see that there is nothing more you need than to fall before God and watch as he works. God will use all things for good.

i could go on and on and on and onnnnnnnn. i freaking LOVE Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he never lets go.

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