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Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
processing life and poetry
and i wrote a poem i'd like to share:
the beauty
that hits you in the chest
knocks it right outta you
and it
blows up
your mind
it shakes your spirit
you
tell
tell
tell
of the beauty
and you
think
think
think
on its essence
you put it in your pocket
shrink it down
to your size
hold it deep
in the crevices
of your brain
you clench it
in your tight fist
feel it on your fingers
and i wonder
why do we
amaze
tell
shrink
hold
think
about the heartbeat
of a body
that is HE?
why do we
let our spirit
wrap its tendril-like fingers
around a mere ray
from the light
that could
blow
our
world
and
shake
our spirit
until
we are
alive
Thursday, January 19, 2012
oh i've dreamed dreams of majesty as brilliant as a billion stars but they're never bright enough
i don't know how to start off my thinking...
oh, life.
it has hit hard since my last post.
i have a lot to share but it is late as can be, so to sum it up:
"1 I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might, I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens.
2-6 I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;
my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.
When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right,"
I didn't believe a word they said.
I remember God—and shake my head.
I bow my head—then wring my hands.
I'm awake all night—not a wink of sleep;
I can't even say what's bothering me.
I go over the days one by one,
I ponder the years gone by.
I strum my lute all through the night,
wondering how to get my life together.
7-10 Will the Lord walk off and leave us for good?
Will he never smile again?
Is his love worn threadbare?
Has his salvation promise burned out?
Has God forgotten his manners?
Has he angrily stalked off and left us?
"Just my luck," I said. "The High God goes out of business
just the moment I need him."
11-12 Once again I'll go over what God has done,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts.
13-15 O God! Your way is holy!
No god is great like God!
You're the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do—
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph.
16-19 Ocean saw you in action, God,
saw you and trembled with fear;
Deep Ocean was scared to death.
Clouds belched buckets of rain,
Sky exploded with thunder,
your arrows flashing this way and that.
From Whirlwind came your thundering voice,
Lightning exposed the world,
Earth reeled and rocked.
You strode right through Ocean,
walked straight through roaring Ocean,
but nobody saw you come or go.
20 Hidden in the hands of Moses and Aaron,
You led your people like a flock of sheep."
2-6 I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;
my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.
When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right,"
I didn't believe a word they said.
I remember God—and shake my head.
I bow my head—then wring my hands.
I'm awake all night—not a wink of sleep;
I can't even say what's bothering me.
I go over the days one by one,
I ponder the years gone by.
I strum my lute all through the night,
wondering how to get my life together.
7-10 Will the Lord walk off and leave us for good?
Will he never smile again?
Is his love worn threadbare?
Has his salvation promise burned out?
Has God forgotten his manners?
Has he angrily stalked off and left us?
"Just my luck," I said. "The High God goes out of business
just the moment I need him."
11-12 Once again I'll go over what God has done,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts.
13-15 O God! Your way is holy!
No god is great like God!
You're the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do—
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph.
16-19 Ocean saw you in action, God,
saw you and trembled with fear;
Deep Ocean was scared to death.
Clouds belched buckets of rain,
Sky exploded with thunder,
your arrows flashing this way and that.
From Whirlwind came your thundering voice,
Lightning exposed the world,
Earth reeled and rocked.
You strode right through Ocean,
walked straight through roaring Ocean,
but nobody saw you come or go.
20 Hidden in the hands of Moses and Aaron,
You led your people like a flock of sheep."
-Psalm 77:1-20 (Message)
this is more true than the truth that the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening. this is grace.
ps, PLEASE!!!! click here to listen to "holy (after all)" by David Crowder *Band
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
back, again
i am back. not home, but back, yes. i am here in my house with my couch and my bed and my bathroom and my nice American things, my school and my job are close, and today i went to the grocery store and bought milk. it is painful. my feet are warm in slippers and i am wearing a comfortable sweatshirt but my soul hurts. i miss Nicaragua. when we touched ground in the US i could already feel my heart and mind becoming numb to the peace of The Lord as my mind began to race over the things i had to do and the people i had to see and the endless list of why i did not want to go back to my normal life. i cried almost the entire time we were in the seattle airport, watching the rain pour down and feeling the chill, right into my bones.
i'm currently reading a book called Kisses From Katie about a girl named Katie Davis who lives in Uganda and has 14 daughters. I won't go into details about her amazing life but you definitely should read about her here. Her book has caused me to learn how to trust God. not with the kind of trust that i give to my friends, family, peers. not even with the kind of trust that i trust my closest friends with. a new trust, believing that HE WILL and that HE DOES. He will fulfill the promises He makes in His word. He does know the desires of my heart and want joy for me. He is love. and i so often forget that love and joy go hand in hand. blessings don't always come in the way i want them to, and in my humanness, that makes me upset. but i forget that God's blessings for my life are endlessly better for me and will bring me endlessly more joy. I have learned to trust that this is true, the Lord has used Katie Davis in my life in that way.
so even here in the states, where i spend my time wishing to be back in Nicaragua, God is teaching me, blessing me, and bringing me joy. and as i learn to trust Him more and more, i see Him working, everywhere.
Before i know it, i will be back in Nicaragua, blown away by the faithfulness of God in knowing the desires of my heart.
and i trust that to be true.
i'm currently reading a book called Kisses From Katie about a girl named Katie Davis who lives in Uganda and has 14 daughters. I won't go into details about her amazing life but you definitely should read about her here. Her book has caused me to learn how to trust God. not with the kind of trust that i give to my friends, family, peers. not even with the kind of trust that i trust my closest friends with. a new trust, believing that HE WILL and that HE DOES. He will fulfill the promises He makes in His word. He does know the desires of my heart and want joy for me. He is love. and i so often forget that love and joy go hand in hand. blessings don't always come in the way i want them to, and in my humanness, that makes me upset. but i forget that God's blessings for my life are endlessly better for me and will bring me endlessly more joy. I have learned to trust that this is true, the Lord has used Katie Davis in my life in that way.
so even here in the states, where i spend my time wishing to be back in Nicaragua, God is teaching me, blessing me, and bringing me joy. and as i learn to trust Him more and more, i see Him working, everywhere.
Before i know it, i will be back in Nicaragua, blown away by the faithfulness of God in knowing the desires of my heart.
and i trust that to be true.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
"When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you..."
Isaiah 43:1-7
The Message (MSG)
Isaiah 43
1-4 But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
5-7"So don't be afraid: I'm with you.
I'll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west.
I'll send orders north and south:
'Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands,
my daughters from faraway places.
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one.'"
The Message (MSG)
Isaiah 43
1-4 But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
5-7"So don't be afraid: I'm with you.
I'll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west.
I'll send orders north and south:
'Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands,
my daughters from faraway places.
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one.'"
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
people
recently, i have been thinking a lot about people. all the people in my life with their different make-ups, ambitions, purposes, loves, passions, needs, wants, desires, relationships, views on life. i feel like i am made up of all of these people, all that they are in my life, all that they do to my heart. i have such a hard time wrapping my mind around who God is, and i know the more days that i walk with Him, the closer i am to knowing exactly who He is. But i forget that we are made in His image. people are literally a small glimpse into the beauty of the Lord. people are beautiful. when i take a moment to actually look at the hearts of people, all of them, i am astounded. even the people i could never see myself being friends with or even liking at all, i find that if i give them the time of day, there is so much beauty to be found.
this is really a reminder to myself, i mean, how often do we as human beings pass by our fellow humans without even thinking anything more than the oh-so-common thought about ourselves? or the even more common judgmental thought, assuming that we know exactly who people are. i walk by the same people everyday in the hallways of my school, and i bet that if i gave one or two of them some time, found out about who they are, i would see beauty.
when i stop judging and start loving, i see beauty.
God has called us to love. God has called us to see the beauty in His people.
this is really a reminder to myself, i mean, how often do we as human beings pass by our fellow humans without even thinking anything more than the oh-so-common thought about ourselves? or the even more common judgmental thought, assuming that we know exactly who people are. i walk by the same people everyday in the hallways of my school, and i bet that if i gave one or two of them some time, found out about who they are, i would see beauty.
when i stop judging and start loving, i see beauty.
God has called us to love. God has called us to see the beauty in His people.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
change
its amazing how God can change a person in just 2 short weeks. i swear to you that i'm not the same person as when i left the states. i love that God has molded me into more of the girl of God i want to be. i can't wait to see what God reveals to me over the course of this trip. i love being far away from the distractions of the US.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
update
guess what? i love nicaragua. i love God. i love the feeling of being close to Him, its so much easier down here where theres nothing but heat and mosquitos to distract you. just thought i should let ya'll know that i God is continuing to work like crazy in my life...its AMAZING to me how much He can do in such a short amount of time. my word of the day: encouragement. God sure knows how to encourage His creations, and recently i have been getting encouragement like crazy.
thanks for reading!
more later : )
thanks for reading!
more later : )
Friday, July 15, 2011
places only God can take us
so im here (please excuse the lack of punctuation, keyboards that are spanish and english and really hard to use..). sometimes words just dont describe adequately what im trying to say...this is one of those times. you know what im talking about? im just lost for words at the places God has taken me within these 5 short days. im different than i was when i got here, im new and fresh and can take a deep breath and say thank you to the Lord for knowing what i needed. and i get to spend 3 more weeks here!! AH! thank you for your prayers and for reading. more later when i can figure out how to express myself.
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